LAUGH MY ASS OFF ...♥

Kid: Mum, can i wear a mini-skirt today?
Mum: No
Kid: Can i wear lipstick?
Mum: No
Kid: Can i wear high heels?
Mum: No!
Kid: But Mum im 17 years old!
Mum: I know Justin, i know

I don't understand the problem with calling someone from Pakistan a Paki.
It's just like calling an Australian an Aussie, a Scotmans a Scot, or a Frenchman a Cunt

To guys .
Us girls die on the inside when we see you with another girl . We find a way to twist what you said into a way that makes us feel like shit. If we don't have make up on we feel like we're not gonna be wanted. Not seeing you for a whole day can kill. But we plaster a fake smile on our face just so you feel like you've done nothing wrong. Think about that. </3
Dear Chicks
Shut up. Its you whining bitches guys try to avoid.

Sincerely guys.

^^Sperm arnt Babies you uneducated fuck, Go take a Biology class.
^^^ you uneducated fuck, go take an ENGLISH class, it's aren't.
^^^^^ You uneducated fuck, how about you go take an English class? sentences start with a capital letter.
^^^^^^^ You hypocritical fuck. Sentences start with a capital letter
.^^^^^^^^^^^You educated fuck. Good job!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Cool Story, Bro!!!

Dear Parents,
I stay up late, fall out with friends, have a messy room, literally LIVE on my lap-top, I'm lazy, and I'm ALWAYS texting. Though mum, dad, I'm NOT the only teenager that acts like that. I am just a TYPICAL teenager. So don't think your doing anything wrong, because your not. To be honest, if I WASN'T doing any of these, things, THEN you should be worried.
Sincerely,
Teenagers everywhere.

When you give a boy a blow job, and he ejaculates, and you swallow, you're swallowing hundreds of babies. YOU ARE NOW A CANNIBAL. Enjoy eating babies. <3

Dear Year 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12.
Please stop going on about how you're all grown up and getting on with your life.
No-one really gives a shit. So shut up.
Sincerely,
A Kindergartener.

To vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas causing global warming, you eat the plants trying to fix global warming so who's really killing the planet?
From a non-vegetarian.

Among my friends I'm a renowned doctor, providing medical advice such as: "Hm.. It looks like you have a case of being a little bitch, I'm recommending a heavy dose of man the fuck up."

I hate it when theres 40 comments on a photo so you look at it and it turns out to be all girls saying how much they love each over...

I received a blank text from my wife the other day.
When I got in from work I asked "Why did you send me a blank text?"
"Because I'm not talking to you."

You: Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
You: Can I ask you something?
Teacher: Sure, go on.
You: Would you punish me for something that I didn't do at all?
Teacher: Of course not.
You: Good, I didn't do my homework.

SAD STORII
boi nd girrrl were havn a sleeppover
gal: HEP HEP
boii: wat bab
gul: MY TOE IS STUF IN DA DORE
boi: OMG I HEP (boii puls hur and foot falls of)
GAL WAKS UP IN HOPITAL
gurl: where maii bf?!?!
mum: he donate he foot and he dead.
gurl now have sixe 11 ans size 5 fot.

*To whoever wrote this, Your the worst speller in the world and deserve to be thrown face first into a brick wall multiple times, The retarded sounds you'd make would be a better excuse for english language.

Guy: Hey
Girl: Hey
Guy: How are you?
Girl: I am bored. What about you, are you doing anything?
Guy: Цан и цоме овер анд лицк вагина?
(GO TO GOOGLE TRANSLATE AND TRANSLATE FROM SERBIAN TO ENGLISH)
Girl: Sure baby, if that's what you feel like.

Mother: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
Kid: Out.
Mother: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
Kid: No, just smoking weed, raping people, gang bashing anyone we can find, stealing cars, throwing bricks at windows, threatening people with axes, stealing TV's from Harvey Norman and mugging old lady's.
Mother: Oh, you had me worried for a second.

If you watch 127 Hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.

the awkward moment when you hear year sevens discussing that they are giving up there virginity for lent ...

yes, i have boobs, no you can't touch them, yes they are very big, no you can't touch them, yes my butt looks good in these pants, but yet again no you cant touch it
guy-*touches*
girl-- *flips guy over 20 feet in the air and bashes his face in when he hits the floor*
you had your fair warning, now don't touch
guy*touches again*

Go to Google translate.
Type "bad romance" from English to Serbian.
Copy and paste and put it from Serbian to English.
Your mind is now fucked.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

 ♥ LengZai™ ♥